i hate that im sensitive and jealous and stupid and quiet and ugly and annoying
Unknown (via fuckinq)
Okay, some lingering thoughts have been bouncing around in my head and I seriously need to write them down bedore they fill up my whole brain.
I’ve come to discover that in my head and heart, you seem to fill up the most space. It still knocks me off my feet when I think about those 3 words you said to me a few nights ago. Ryan, just do me 1 favor. Don’t fuck with my heart again. I honestly don’t think I could take it. And I’m not saying that meaning I would kill myself or hurt myself, that’s just ridiculous over a guy. I’m saying it because I trust you immensly and you know that’s hard for me to do with anyone. I’m saying it because I love you. Not like those other couples who’ve been together for about 2 months and think their in love. We were together for a little while but me moving put that part on hold. I’ve been in love with you for about 2 years and it took you that long to tell me you love me. I know that I love you after 2 years and we’ve been friends for almost 4 years.
You’re probably the only person that has left perminent footprints on my heart. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I don’t understand Ryan. Why do you still make me sad, mad and upset even when we’re not on speaking terms? I don’t know if I still want to talk to you or not but I do know that whenever I come across something that reminds me of you, I want to break down and cry. But I know that crying won’t help anything. Yeah I’ll admit, it really does hurt me when I just want to text you and just say hello but I don’t. Because I know it won’t mean a thing to you. I don’t know what your feelings are about me but I know that I won’t get over this easy. I haven’t even lost a fraction of the feelings I had for you the first time we met 2 years ago. Why do you think I came over to see you after my Prom? Not for the sex, even though that was part of it, but not the main reason. I came over for you. To have you hug me and actually give me a kiss like you said you wanted. Like you said before “We will always have this bond between us that won’t fall out.” I know that someday, we will run into eachother and there will be 2 choices. 1. We can say hey we should catch up or 2. We can be mad at eachother for dumb stupid arguments that we had when we were younger. I really hope you choose the right one because I already know which one I’m going to say.
I’m sorry that we both think we’re right all of the time and clash heads over everything.
Even though I know you won’t ever see this, I really hope FATE finds a way to let you see it.
Because it’s the only way to tell you how I’m feeling.